We tried many routes of infertility treatments over a long period of time all to no avail.  We would go to church and I would just stand, crying, screaming out in my head to God for a child.  Nothing seemed to matter.  Every road was blocked, and every ounce of optimism was crushed.  I, as a woman, was broken emotionally about not being able to love and parent a child that I so strongly desired for.  In one of the many trying moments my husband and I decided that we were going to stop trying for something that was inevitably not intended for us.  It took months to grieve that loss.  We moved to a new home and began starting a new life for ourselves.  Trying to look toward something positive, in the knowledge that both of our dreams had been crushed.

During a night at church I remember seeing a video monologue.  I don’t fully remember why it was played or even what the pretense of the video was, but I remember one particular scene.  There was a child, who looked to be from Africa, holding a sign that said “Orphans are everywhere”.  I went home and talked with my husband about adopting through the foster care system.  We had previously looked through different routes of adoption but knew for one reason or another that it wasn’t for us.  My husband cautiously agreed stating he’d like “more information” before we made a solid decision on whether this would be something we would do.

While trying to conceive a child it seemed every door was shut directly in our face.  Yet, this foster/adoption process was perfectly smooth sailing.  There was no doubt that this was where God intended us to be through the entire process.  Within two months of the initial inquiry we had begun classes.  We finished our license a little over a year after we began the process.  One morning, a few days after our license was finalized I was sitting watching television.  I saw one of those baby shows on TLC and thought to myself, “Wow, we’ll never have that moment of bringing our child home from the hospital. “  Little did I know, in that hour our son was being born.  Two days after watching that show I received a call asking if we could care for a newborn little boy.  I was reminded that even in the moments where we don’t think God’s listening--He is.  I was able to bring this adorable little boy home from the hospital that afternoon.  We were initially told he would be going to another family member and we’d have him for a short period of time.  I prayed and prayed multiple times a day for him.  I still remember that prayer, “God please keep him here.  But, if he can’t stay please let him go to a loving, safe, healthy, happy environment where he’ll be well cared for.”  It’s been nearly two years since those first few days.  We knew within a month that our son wasn’t going anywhere.  We were told when he was a mere four weeks old that we were able to adopt him.  We’ve since had the blessing of another adoptive child through foster care and we couldn’t be any happier.

So, in closing, I guess I would have to say that even in those moments where my heart is aching, my faith is gone, and I’m feeling alone--God’s still there.   We have an amazing God who will lead you to and through anything if you hold steadfast to Him and trust that the process he’s putting you through will resound with more amazing things than you ever could have realized.  The valleys are low, lower than we’d ever want to know, but our God is an amazing God who is capable of all things if we just hold to Him.